i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
