Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize