I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
