i was born a porn star she said
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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