I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
50% drunk capacity currently
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
