I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
