I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
