my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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