i permit you to call me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
