Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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