The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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