2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
