So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
