So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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