I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
