This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
