when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
