Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
