isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Too much gin, very little bucket
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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