we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
