I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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