I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize