k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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