um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
