last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
