She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
