I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
