If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
