She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
