he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
