Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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