Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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