Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
