11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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