Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
