There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
