If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize