I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What drink are we having for lunch?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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