i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
