this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
