if only i could text you this smell
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
