so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
