fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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