come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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