I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
