wanna go halves on a baby?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
