This is not my ceiling
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
