im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
