Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
