Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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