Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
