Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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