Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
