is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
