Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
