His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
