Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
