from now on my penis is your penis
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
