dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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