Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
