just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
