I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
