Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize