Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
